Some may look at that title and think that wanting more than what you have is a bad thing…but not me. It is the thing that keeps me going. It is the thing that has provided me with drive and determination. It is what made me travel the world. It is what made me come back. It is why I waited to marry until I met the perfect man for me. It is how I was able to graduate, 10 years post high school, Magma Cum Laude. It is why I left one entrepreneurial dream to set out to an unknown career path, which led to my most favorite job I’ve ever held. It is why I had three amazing kids in less than 4 years. It is why I decided to leave my most favorite job for a life home with the kids. It’s why I wanted us to move to Tahoe instead of Naples.
It is also why I never hesitated to use supplemental oxygen. It is why I utilized numerous paths of healing from the best modern medicine could offer to meditation and acupuncture. It is how I dragged myself to the gym when it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. It is how I can wipe away my tears and smile at my children. It is how I survived with a cannula, prednisone moon face and a humped neck and pregnant looking belly walking slower than the slowest poke in town with a complete lack of embarrassment. It is how I asked for all the help I could get. It is why I was able to withstand three days of steroid withdrawal symptoms every week for months on end. It’s why I do not hesitate to go to the ER or call on a doctor for advice immediately. It is why, when we went to Disneyland, I ordered and utilized a scooter and registered as a disabled person. It is why I still go outside, even though I have to cover myself head-to-toe to keep out of the sun. It is why I will say yes to a social invitation and also not hesitate to cancel at the last minute of needed.
I always want more out of this life. As a close friend and confidant recently wrote, “Life is so very rich, and I find myself wanting more. More time to witness the lives of those I love, more adventures, more experiences. Always. Wanting. More” I absolutely couldn’t agree with her more and she inspired this long-overdue post.
I was blessed with a pretty awesome summer filled with a Disneyland adventure, hosting my dad’s 70th birthday week at our home and various fun filled days with the kids and evenings with my husband. It wasn’t without its struggles or its medical issues. But it was a happy summer. It was more…more than we had last year and more than I expected it could be. I don’t always have an end goal in mind, but wherever I am…I strive to go to the next level. Some days that is to get out of bed, or to take a shower, or feed my kids. Other days…it’s getting to the gym, cleaning the house, or doing a favor for someone else for a change. Sometimes it is just to hang on the the little shred of sanity I might have left in the day. But I’m always wanting…always striving for more.
Unbelievably, that wanting and subsequent striving has gotten me places that I didn’t know were even possible. I’m no longer using oxygen. I did a muscle retest and the effort I’ve put in is registering improvements. I’m going longer periods of good days. I ran….I ran without the use of oxygen and my children had a look of shock, pure joy and utter confusion and it was a glorious 30 seconds. And it doesn’t matter it was only 30 seconds…it only matters that it was more than before. Once I could barely walk across a room and now I RAN. No matter what state you are in, you may not be able to be who you once were or have what you once had or do what you once were able to do…but you can always look at any moment and want more and do something to get more out of this life.